Allowing myself a vacation of nine days, I took time to unplug, and, so, I didn't post anything last week. I wish that I could say that I was sorry, but I'm not. It is only in returning home, now, that I realize just how much I needed to separate myself from my own demons.
I recognize that they're inside me and I know that they need to be tackled, but I think I need to accept that and learn that I cannot rush things. Forcing myself to face these things in any kind of sequential order does not lend way to healing.
It does lend way to anger and lengthy rants. Going forward, I will address issues as my mind allows. If I am in a place to think about something and resolve some, or all of it, within my own mind, that, then, would be the right time, upon which, to speak.
Now, would then be a good time for me to say that I am frustrated with my own lack of follow through. I have started so very many different projects or occupations over the years of which I have lost count. This is a subject that I toss around in my mind frequently.
Yesterday, I found myself able to recall some thing that my father has said so very many times over the years. He's a carpenter and often sets out on creating all kinds of different and wonderful things. Each time, someone would marvel over his latest creation and subsequently ask the question "Why don't you do more of these and sell them?"
He would always respond with the same answer. Doing the same project over and over again is no longer fun. It becomes an obligation, a job, a chore. I have always understood and related to that answer but I have never taken the time to apply it to my own life.
That's how everything feels to me, also. I love new projects and I will continue to do them until, inside of me, I arrive at the decision that it's just not any fun anymore.
How should I translate that into my own life? I've made a list of all of the things that I like to do with myself throughout the day. Meditate, walk, listen to music, blog, write, read, fashion bottles and dance. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have begun something that falls into any one of the above categories but, then, at about 2/3 of the way through, I give up.
So, then, where does that leave me? I suppose the question would be, where do my talents lie? I find that I spend much time thinking about what it is that I'm going to conquer next. Then, the things that I do with my time, should require heavy thought, I suppose. Frequent thought and forgiveness of speed.
I am expecting to make a change near the middle of October and I am hoping to look that list over and find ways to facilitate progress. Meanwhile, I have the list to refer back to anytime that I'm looking for something to do. I hope to add more to it and be able to master, what I am hoping will be, the direction of my next world.
I hear you,
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