Updated: May 24
After yesterdays anger I spent some time thinking about what it was that made me so angry. I sorted through the abandonment of having lost my 'support' system. I dealt with feeling defeated. I dreaded that I would have to finish this battle on my own, again. I resented that, once again, the people who I have chosen to surround myself with just don't understand any more than anyone else has ever understood..
At just don't understand, my mind wandered to expectations. What did I expect from these other people? I expected loyalty, encouragement, a kick in the ass when I need one and, slowly, now, my mind thought are these expectations realistic?
I don't suppose they are, I guess, but why do I feel that they are not? This moment created a very long pause............I rolled through a variety of feelings until it hit me….
their life experience?....in this respect they had no life experience. None of this has ever happened to them.
They had none triggered an uh oh. How unrealistic is it of me to expect somebody who has not had any experience with Narcissism in their own lives to blindly accept all of the things that I have to say? What exactly do I say? What should I say? What do they need to hear? Do they need to know these facts?
The answer to that is, no. They don't need to know anything about how my mind got broken in the first place.They can't change it, they can't repair it, they can't undo it. All I can ask is that they understand that I'm broken and that my being broken has nothing to do with them.
Perhaps, I needn't share my thoughts and feelings with them. Perhaps, having a blog about my feelings should be sufficient. Perhaps, I just limit my words until somebody asks a specific question.
I have not been abandoned. I still have my support system. I'm not defeated and there's nothing to dread. All I've been asked to do is to not use the word Narcissist as often. That can be arranged.
I HEAR YOU! deMichelle
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