Updated: May 24
Being a magnet to a Narcissist is both overwhelming and exhausting. The twisted things N say and do, which are intended to gain control of their targets mind are confusing. Having been gaslit to question your own truth is confusing and often leaves the victim questioning, instead, their own sanity.
Coming home after work and finding a dish in the sink was enough to set my N off. The rampage that ensued was a twisted mess.
N: You’re saving it for me.
Me: I’m soaking it.
N: No you're saving it for me.
N: yes you are!
followed by a long series of ‘Yes you are, Yes you are, yes you are…..’ while becoming increasingly louder and successfully overshadowing any response I would try to make. Then came an abrupt change in words to ‘What do you do all day?’ again getting increasingly louder so that I couldn’t even defend myself which, over time, would eventually make me cry. This situation met with ‘What is wrong with you? You need help. you’re crying, see? See? You need help. Something is the matter with you. You need help.‘
At this point he would begin to walk away but then turn around and say ‘Look at the carpet. Look! Look! You don’t do shit around here‘. I go to work and you sit on your ass.‘You should get a job but no because you don’t want to work. You want to spend all my money. Your going to ruin my house. My house! You have no respect! Go for a walk. You like to walk. Take the dogs! You’ll play with them all day and don’t ever let them out. What do you do all day? Then they mess up my carpet. I’m the bad guy now. You like when I’m the bad guy. Look at their food. It’s everywhere. You need help. You need help. Yep you need help…..repeatedly slowly trailing off as he walked away.
Seeing it here in writing, it seems that I should have eventually anticipated this reaction. The tantrum, I did. What’s missing here is the flailing arms, the twisted look on his face, the entirely wild body language, the wall punching and the demeaning tone of voice.
The conversation moved extremely fast and was difficult to keep up with. It was difficult to stay focused enough in my mind to realize that it hadn’t even made any sense. Still crying, at this point, was not much help either.
There we’re times when he would put his fingers in his ears to shut out the victims words. Sometimes he would say NANANANA to overpower another’s words.
Because we had children together this relationship went on for about 30 years. I couldn’t bear the thought of letting him be with my children alone, as would be the case following divorce.
This is one of many tirades that took place. There were others, especially where money was the subject. Those episodes would play out pretty much the same way.; yelling the same words over and over and getting to be the loudest voice in the house.
In retrospect I am able to speak of it freely and even giggle a little about the foolishness that used to be my world.
I hear you
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