INAY = It’s not about you……is being used for the benefit of that one intrusive relative.
Sometimes in life, a person behaves in a way that is intended to alienate the people closest to them. Often, it is about control. Where the demon N is concerned, it’s always about control.
A N parent, when a child has moved far enough away and, has gone no contact, so that the N parent no longer has any control, must find a way to recover that control.
One way might be through that parents will. If the parent has a mutual contact in that new world , that mutual contact can easily be used as a weapon.
That person could be the person that’s used in order to manipulate the victim. If that mutual contact is in touch with the person to whom these spoils belong, it would be smart for the N to say that this mutual contact will now be receiving everything in the parents will because they stay in touch.
In the mind of a N, the mutual contact will go back to the victim and tell the victim that they are no longer in the will. The motivation of the N is that, once the victim is told, the victim will change their mind about the distance and recommit to the parent.
The end result is likely to be that there is no will, and no one has been determined as the recipient. The plan did not come together the way the parent had intended and the actual execution of the will was never really intended in the first place.
Sadly, things move along and the evidence is in the lack of writing. It was all a lie. N lie, characteristically.
What really hurts, is that the child who moved away in the first place, is flooded with questions about why there isn’t a will or why the mutual contact was not named. The few relatives that she does have, speak only about money.
The death of the parent, to the victim, is now only important to anyone else because of money. Is the parents death about money and money alone? Does the victim feel as though the death of the parent doesn’t really matter to anyone else? Does the victim then feel dismissed that the only expression of concern was to ask about the money?
Yes, the child does.
That child has been completely dismissed from concern over their own thoughts, feelings, and pain, in search of the money.
My own life experience is that,even in life itself, N dismiss all of those feelings on a regular basis, purely to open conversations about money. My thoughts, my feelings, my pain was always dismissed.
Dismissal is an important word in the recovery from NA, narcissistic abuse.
In a past life, the words “I feel lonely“ are met with “I don’t think you understand, this is the situation financially.’
‘ I know what the situation is and I know that you have it under control. Everything is under your control, but I still feel lonely” is how I truly felt.
“But just listen,……money” always followed.
If a N dismisses the thoughts, feelings and pain of the person to whom they are married, what evidence is anyone given that the N cares about any of those things, at all.
They don’t.
Dismissal is a feeling that is deeply hurtful and difficult to recover from. Years later, even if only on the occasion that I am reminded, the feeling resurfaces. Blended with all the other issues involved in that abuse it becomes something that cannot be forgotten.
I have forgiven for my own benefit, but I will never forget that hurt.
We Hear You!
DeMichelle
off the Dance Floor
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